Tears Of Tess By Pepper Winters
Are you ready for season six? The darker ones among you will surely be exhilarated as this show is going to go down on dark romance. In this first episode, Shani and Bridget talk about Tears of Tess by Pepper Winters. Are you into dark romance? Or are you interested in giving the genre a try? If you are, then this episode, indeed this whole season, is going to be a treat for you!
TRIGGER WARNING: stuff is going to be dark and dirty in these books and consent will be murky if not completely missing. If this is not your cup of tea, then you best head back to the lighter stuff in the previous seasons! You still here? Let’s dive in.
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Romance at a Glance is a podcast where hosts Bridget and Shani review romance novels and interview some of romance’s biggest authors diving into candid conversations about life, relationships, and sexual desires. Expect 100% honest reviews, spontaneous singing, life lessons, indecent anecdotes, and bawdy humor. Leave us a rating and review on iTunes.
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Quick Guide Review of Tears of Tess
Book Title: Tears of Tess
Author: Pepper Winters
Audio Narrator: Hannah Belle, Jacob Morgan, Punch Audio
Jacob would sometimes have an accent and sometimes not. Confusing.
Part of a Series: Yes - Monsters in the Dark Book #1
Genre: Dark Romance, New Adult Dark Contemporary Romance
Cover Art: I liked the cover art, definitely different with the soft focus and female on the cover than a lot of the books that we have been doing in previous seasons, it did not give me Dark Romance vibes, however, or prepare me for the intensity of this book.
Synopsis: grief, slavery, and nonconsensual sex, Rape with object
Tess Snow has a loving boyfriend, but he treats her like spun glass, and she wants and needs to be ravaged, punished, and played with. On a romantic trip to Mexico, Tess is determined to tell him what she needs from him sexually. But he isn’t into any of that, leaving Tess feeling like something is wrong with her.
Determined to put it behind her, they take a scooter ride, stopping in a local spot for drinks where Tess is kidnapped and trafficked. Tess is forced into a world full of darkness and terror. Captive and alone Tess finds a core will of steel and fights back. But no matter her strength, it can't save her from the horror of being sold to Q. A man whose very desire to force her, hurt her, and play with her lights her senses on fire. But what kind of monster feels desire for their captor?
Heroine Rating:
Shani: 🍑🍑🍑
Bridget: 🍑🍑🍑 Tess went through hell and made a decision to fight and embrace who she was. She was freed of thinking something was “wrong with her” for liking to be dominated during sex, which I appreciated. And she went back and was like, this is how it is going to be. Get EXCITED BITCH! Let’s go to pound town!
Hero Rating:
Shani: 🍆🍆🍆
Bridget: 🍆🍆🍆 This man could get to the fucking and steam. He just mentally needed to get out of his own way to recognize what she was offering wasn’t the actual rape and slavery his dad did to those women but was consensual non-consent.
McDreamy to Mc Steamy:
Shani: McSteamy
Bridget: McSpankMe McMakeMeBleed
Classy to Nasty:
Vanilla, Kinky, BDSM, Non-consent
Favorite Lines in the Book:
I wanted a new label. One that said: girlfriend who will do anything to be tied, spanked, and fucked all over rather than adored.
Q grunted, thrusting in time to my release; his teeth never let up on my collarbone and a slick trail of blood trickled from my throat where he bit. Some primal part of my brain went wild. I loved that he needed me so bad, he broke my skin. I loved how delicate his tongue was, lapping up my essence.
I wasn’t as wet as i should have been and the invasion was pleasure as well as pain.
The key is not to lie to yourself, even while you fake it.
A human is adaptable. A human heart is not.
Favorite Review:
Shani’s from Goodreads:
tina
What can I say? This did not live up to the hype for me. I liked it ok. The main heroine got on my nerves with the constant conflict. Alright already... we know you like to be spanked.
Bridget’s from Goodreads:
Chelsea Humphrey 4 stars
In lieu of rehashing the synopsis, I'll say that the first 40% of the book covers the stage of the story between Tess and Brax's vacation, her being kidnapped and trafficked, and arriving at Q's manor. The remainder of the book felt a bit like a long prologue to the sequel. As I read, I wondered how on earth I would grow to adore Q as much as all the other readers of this series, but clearly there is a point where more information is granted and BOOM. *swoon* I really don't want to touch too much on the plot, but I will say that I'm very excited to continue to the next book and see these horrible monsters pay for their crimes in trafficking.
Worth the Read?
⭐⭐⭐Yes, this was a debut novel and I was jonesing to read the next book in the series.
Buy it on Amazon
Recommendations:
Full Podcast Transcript - Tears Of Tess By Pepper Winters
Key: Shani - Bold Text; Bridget - Plain Text
Dear romance besties, this season, we will be exploring dark romance. That means I need to give you all a little trigger warning.
We are going to be reading books where consent is murky at best. There will be triggering topics of psychological and physical abuse, manipulation, kidnapping, slavery, rape, bullying, bodice-ripping and sexual assault on the page.
If this is not your cup of tea, we get it. We have lots of great books for you in our previous seasons and more coming up next season.
Without further ado, Shani, welcome to the dark side.
Thank you, Bridget. I'm ready.
I hope to see you out there.
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Welcome to another episode. With me as always is my cohost, Shani. How are you? Are you ready to get dark and dirty?
Bridget, I am so ready for season six. It was hard not to talk to you about this already. As you know, dear readers, we do not talk about the books ahead of time so that you're reading our first reactions. I'm excited to see what you have to say as we go down this deep, dark season.
Shani, I have so many things to say.
I know you do, Bridget. You’re not a woman of few words.
I have many thoughts and emotions. We are talking about Tears of Tess by Pepper Winters and as we were organizing the season 1 through 10, we basically did it based on how long the books were, so that we could record them in a good rotation. Coincidentally, we put Tears of Tess first and then she was the first author to email back and said she wanted to come on and interview with us. It was all happy, it's all working out. I'm happy. Let's do this.
Let's jump into it.
Serendipitous. Let's jump in. Let's get it popping.
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We are reading Tears of Tess by Pepper Winters. This is part of a series book, numero uno of Monsters in the Dark. It does continue with the main couple. Although, I will say that this book felt rounded out. I didn't necessarily feel I had to read book two, although I am intrigued by book two.
I didn’t know there was a book two about the same couple until I was going through the reviews, trying to pick my favorite review. It definitely stood alone.
Tell us a little bit about the narrator and how you liked the audiobook or did not like the audiobook.
I like the audiobook. I thought both of the narratives had good voices. However, I will say that Jacob was supposed to have a French accent. He does have a French accent but sometimes it disappears. Sometimes it's American standard. I was like, “Who's talking?” He's as cute as a gang bang. What's going on here? That happened but both of their voices were fine.
Happy enough to read the audiobook if the people want to read the audiobook.
If the author is phenomenal, I remember them. I don't remember them and I also didn't hate them. I'm like, “They were fine.” They were right down the middle.
As you guys know, we're doing dark romance all season. This book is technically a new adult dark contemporary romance. It's a lot of things all wrapped into one little bundle.
I don't think this book is new adult, by the way.
I think it is because she's twenty.
It’s because she’s twenty it's new adults but I don't think it's new adult. Not at all.
It doesn't have the bullying theme or the angsty like, “Where am I in my life?” thing that I naturally associate with new adult. Shit gets really dark. Shani, let's talk about the cover art before I dip into the old synopsis. I thought it was very pretty. It's soft focus. There's a girl in this lovely looking sweater with thigh highs on. It did not give me dark romance vibes, intensity vibes. From the cover alone, I thought it was going to be more of a sad girl, angsty book. It’s got the vibe I got from the cover.
I will totally agree. I wouldn’t put this cover as a dark romance cover, but Tess was such a regular-ass, basic ass character that this fit. This is a basic outfit, a long sweater and thigh highs. You can read basic character. This is the basic ass girl. Nailed it.
Are you trying to say she’s a basic white girl, Shani? That’s what you’re trying to say.
I didn’t say it, Bridget, but I was thinking it.
I didn't know you were thinking it. I agree, she was a regular old girl. Let me dip into the synopsis so that we can give some context. “Tess has a loving boyfriend but he treats her like spun glass and she wants and needs to be ravaged, punished, played with. On a romantic trip to Mexico, Tess is determined to finally tell him what she needs from him sexually but he is not into it. He leaves Tess feeling like there's something wrong with her. They're determined to put it behind them. They take a scooter ride, stop at a local spot where Tess is kidnapped and trafficked. She is forced into a world full of darkness and terror. Captive and alone, she finds a core will of steel and fights back. No matter her strength, it can't save her from the horror of being sold to Q, a man who's very desired, to force her, hurt her and play with her, lights her senses on fire. What kind of monster feels desire for their captor?”
I have many thoughts, Shani. I’m not even sure where to start but we should go chronologically, because at the beginning of the book is much different than the second half of the book. The first quarter before she gets kidnapped is much different. I liked the intro where she's talking about how she has all these fantasies and she doesn't know how to bring it up to him. Anytime she gets slightly aggressive, he pulls away and gets freaked out. It makes her feel she's insane and something's wrong with her? I was like, “Sweet baby, I had been you.”
That’s what I thought too. I was like, “I definitely relate so much to this.” Especially before I got into kink, it led up to me feeling I was going crazy if I didn't. I have felt that feeling of like, “I want to tell them that I'm into this. Maybe I’ll start with this little thing and then slowly escalate it to this other thing.”
One of my favorite quotes, she said, “I wanted a new label, one that said girlfriend who will do anything to be tied, spanked and fucked all over rather than adored.” I was like, “Yes.” That feels all right.
It's weird too. Growing up, you always hear about guys being super sexual and wanting all the kinkiest stuff and whatever. I have found that not to be true where I'm like, “Let's do this super adventurous thing,” and they're like, “No, I'm good doing standard missionary. Do I get to put it in you? Cool,” that type of thing. Brax’s response, I’ve met that response before, and so that was definitely interesting.
He was like, “If I'm not enough for you,” and he basically puts it on her to then comfort him and make him feel more adequate. I wanted her to be like, “Maybe you're not enough sexually.” It's not even you're not enough. It's just different. I thought we were going to go in order. We're not. At the end of the book when she breaks up with him, she says, “It's that we’re different. It's not like it's not enough. It will be great for this other person. You'll be the right person for her but I need something different.” I was happy that in her journey, she got to a point of accepting her kink and her desires and not shaming herself anymore. Obviously, at the beginning, she feels a lot of shame, guilt and confusion. She gets kidnapped and sold and then she's trying to survive, fighting off rapists. She's confused why she is feeling lust for Q when he owns her now. Obviously, a lot of confusing things were happening for her in that span. I was happy that in the end, she came to a positive place about her sexuality.
It was interesting to see her again, at the end of the book, when she goes back to Brax, that they fall back into the old routine. That was interesting for me because before I got to the point where you find out that he's been chatting with the neighbor or whatever, I was like, “That's got to be difficult to fall into an old routine.” I was gone in Florida at my parents' house, chilling. Nothing crazy happened. I was chilling. When I came home, I could not fall into the old routine. It was like I was a new person and nothing fit. Now I had to find everything to fit again or to rework everything. The idea came back just reading that I was like, “That's uncomfortable.”
I thought it was uncomfortable. I thought her mental thing of where she is like, “I'm going to have to pretend to be that Tess again because I'm not. What am I supposed to do?” I like that it didn't get lingered on for too long. She wasn't there on the page. At least it was a month of time but on the page, it wasn't like she was there for a year and 100 pages and you're like, “For fuck's sake.” I liked that she went back. She's there for a chapter, figures her shit out. It's like, “I don't want this,” and bounces, which I like. Let's go back to the beginning though.
I separated my notes into what I liked and what I didn't like. That's why I'm going to try to follow along in chronological.
One thing I know you're going to agree with me on is, so they go on this scooter ride. First of all, they then have very vanilla sex and she's like, “I wish he would bite my nipple super hard so I can climax.” Not having any orgasms while you're having sex. They go on this scooter ride and stop at some random little side of the road, Mexican thing. Her instincts are like, “Run. Don't go in. Don't do it,” but she's still being this nice girl where she's ignoring all of her own self to appease Brax.
I want to say this as a PSA. The first PSA of the show season six. If your instincts are screaming to run, do not feel bad if you feel it's some sort of racism, age-ism, other country-ism or a different culture and you're thinking, “Maybe it's their culture.” No. If your instinct screamed to run, you run. I'm not saying you run to a police officer and turn in an innocent human being. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if your instincts scream, “You need to get the fuck out,” you need to get the fuck out and you sort through that shit later in your mind.
I discovered a long time ago that politeness is what causes people to become victims. You can't be polite. Sometimes you can't be polite. It’s going to be what's it going to be.
We’ve talked about it on the show, but I feel this scenario was me in Turkey at a little convenience store across the border. This man looked at me and I was like, “Not today, Satan.” I looked at the woman behind the cashier register and she gave me the look like, “You better get the fuck out of here.” He sat at my table while I was drinking water, mid-day, drinking a beer. I politely made conversation as I was drinking my water because I was very thirsty. I was like, “Better drink my water. Better pack my shit up.” He's like, “I have to go to the bathroom but maybe we can talk more or I’ll buy you a beer after.”
I was like, “Absolutely.” He went into the bathroom. The second the door closed, I ran the fuck out of there with my huge backpack and waved to the lady. She was shooing me out. I immediately hitchhiked a ride with this man. I looked at him and I was like, “You look so nice,” and I hopped in. I saw him come out of the place too when I got in the thing. I was like, “That man was going to murder me, for sure, after raping my cold dead body.” PSA, listen to your instincts and run. Anyways, she does not listen. Brax gets knocked over the head, possibly dead. She gets kidnapped. She wakes up in a trafficking room with eight other girls and immediately degraded and they shower them and put ropes around their neck like they’re cattle. One of the guys comes in and tries to rape her in the middle of the night. She bites him off. She scratches and bites him and headbutts him in the face. Basically, she keeps herself from getting raped by him.
I like this fighter Tess. Here, she's like, “They're not going to break me.” She keeps fighting. She's like, “I'm not going to do what you say.” I appreciated this Tess.
Me too. I thought as we'll go through, you guys will understand some of the problematic things that I had with this book. For the most part, I went along with that embracing of shedding that politeness, shedding that good girl, “I'm supposed to do this.” I’m like, “Hell, no. You're not going to take me or if you do, I'm going to make it real fucking hard for you.” She ends up getting sold to Q and ends up in this French estate. The interesting thought was that she thinks that she's going to be immediately raped right away and constantly, it's going to be horrible. He is intrigued by her and doesn’t attack her right away, which is almost scarier.
I thought it was going to be horrible when they came out with Suzette is there. She works as a maid. She's nice to her. She's like, “Here are some clean clothes. I’ll take you to your room. Everything's okay.” He's ordering her around and mean to her but also not abusing her yet. She's like, “That would be such a mindfuck.” In your mind, she's prepared to fight tooth and nail just like she had to in Mexico. She's prepared to defend herself. Being lulled into that, “What the fuck is going on?” That would have been a mindfuck. I thought I liked that part. That worked well.
I did too though, looking back with this whole plotline that he rescues girls and whatever. It doesn't quite make sense to me that they come in and he's like, “Bow.” When she comes in initially and they're like, “You need to bow,” and then she's like, “I don't want to bow.” Why would they have forced her? Why would they have done whatever? That didn't quite make sense to me with how they ended up wrapping it up at the end.
We don't find out that he's been saving girls until towards the end of the book. In the beginning, when she gets there, we find out that she was given to him as a bribe and that he accepted it and that he's had other girls there. It makes no sense that Suzette wouldn't be like, “I was in slavery, he saved me. He never touched me. He tries to rehabilitate us. You're safe here.” Except for that, she's not safe unlike all these other girls, but it didn't make sense that the guard was like, “You have to bow.”
They then push her down and stuff like that.
Looking back on, it did not make sense. That's a good point. He does make her bow and he likes the fire in her and he brings out the dominant in him that he wants to hurt or fight back. He wants to dominate her and break her but not really break her. We find out through flashbacks later in the story that his dad was an actual sadist, bought women, held them captive, would rape them all the time and would make them call him master. They were his slaves and stuff. He witnessed this as a very young child throughout the years, peeking through holes in the walls and stuff in their giant estate. I can see where if you saw that as a child, you would know that was wrong.
When you yourself grew into a man with no one else to tell you like, “What he did was wrong and evil, and you were right to kill him.” Spoiler. He kills his dad at sixteen. Also, that doesn't mean you wanting a consensual BDSM submissive relationship is wrong. I don't feel like he got there at the end, which maybe that's what book two is about. I don't think he got to the place of like, “It's okay that I want to dominate her. It doesn't make me evil.”
At the end of the book, I felt like he was understanding that it was possible. Even though part of me wants to be like, “This guy has traveled the world. He's done a whole lot. He's running an empire.” I feel like he should know by now that people do this type of thing, but I’ll give him that. I didn't get into kink until I was in my 30s. I didn't know that you could even do certain things until then. I’ll give him that. The thing about this book for me, though, I’ve read a lot of dark romance, and this book was a light jaunt through dark romance to me. It's a good introduction. If anyone's reading along with us and they haven't read dark romance, I feel like this is a good introduction to dark romance but all this could have been solved with a consensual BDSM relationship.
Tears Of Tess: “I wanted a new label, one that said, ‘Girlfriend who will do anything to be tied, spanked and fucked all over rather than adored.’”
It is solved at the end with a consensual BDSM relationship. That's the ending you're like, “Everyone's okay with it.”
That's the thing though, in dark romance, there's got to be some element to me that nobody's going to consent to. To me, this is more of a miscommunication book, where everything could have been solved by one piece of communication. That's how this book felt to me. It's like rape fantasies.
Consensual non-consent is what she wants. I didn't like it obviously because it was the worst part of the book. I did like that through her two actual rape experiences in the book, she realizes like, “I am not sick. I don't want everyone to just rape me. I want this specific person that I'm consenting to act out that with me.” There are two different instances. One is fairly early on in her relationship with Q where she gets strung up in this see-through webbing dress as some business associates of his are there. She can barely touch her toes on the platform. It's very vulnerable. The giant scary Russian comes over and grabs her and he doesn't do anything. He hides her from view and ends up shoving the hilt of his knife in her vagina.
First of all, that's horrific and people are disgusting. Secondly, I would never have forgiven Q for that, Shani. I could forgive something that he did to me faster than I could forgive he let someone else do it to me. I was like, “Hell to the no. This motherfucker better grovel.” He apologizes. I wrote down the quote. In her mind, she's like, “Why did he hurt? He allowed a man to do what he wanted. It was his fault it happened. I refused to listen to his pain. My own pain can be plenty occupied. His apologies weren't worth shit.” I was like, “Yes,” but she forgives him right away after that.
Full transparency, I did not connect with these characters whatsoever. I love dark romance and fucked up shit can happen and way more fucked up than that is in this book. I can connect with the characters. I didn't connect with them very much. There was a lot of indecisiveness for me with Tess and the book was driven so much by her inner monologue. We were in her brain of going backwards and forward. I was like, “Bitch, if you don't get it together, I'm going to need you to have a consistent thought.” It was driving me nuts being in her brain. I was like, “Is this what it's like to be in the brain of a white girl? What the fuck is happening here?” It made me upset that every time Q fucked up, he would go in his room and listen to loud sad music. I was like, “What a pussy ass bitch. What a little bitch baby.” I couldn't. It was so emo for me and something would happen.
He was playing music to her throughout the book and he was communicating with her through the music. Heavy metal and sad songs, romantic songs and all things in between.
Every time that would happen, I'd be like, “Oh my God.”
You know that I get timeline annoyed sometimes. This happens, first of all, they don't call her a doctor. I was like, “Motherfuckers, that's the dirtiest knife hilt. Get this lady a doctor and some antibiotics, stat.” Secondly, her response to this is to take the first opportunity to escape, and she's always been looking for a way out. Suzette is going to town or whatever presumably and the chauffeur is going to drive her, so she hides in the back seat. As soon as they get into town, they both get out of the car. She gets out, she runs to the nearest shop, calls Brax, leaves a message and she’s like, “I was trafficked. I'm alive. I'm at Q Mercer's house in the French Countryside somewhere. I don't know. Help me.” She hangs up and trying to call again. The bodyguard comes back. She runs, gets in a car with a stranger who she's hoping is going to help her and cuts off her tracking device but leaves in the car, which frankly is a little stupid. Also, if you're panicking and you've been kidnapped, I feel like that's not the least plausible thing in this whole story.
These guys turned out to be sadistic fucks and raped her. The only reason he finds her is because the tracking device was in the car and he comes and murders them both and then takes her back home. All of this happens in two days and they're all upset with her and disappointed that she ran. I'm like, “Of course she ran. They all are holding this bitch hostage. She just got raped with a knife handle. I’d rather kill you all before I left.” They get mad that she calls the police and I'm like, “Of course she called the police. You all are holding her hostage. What did you expect?” They're so disappointed in her. I'm like, “No, I'm disappointed in you guys. She got raped two times on your watch. You're like, ‘You'll be safe now.’” She wasn't safe in your house in the first place. What the heck?
Suzette is such an advocate for him but Suzette's always witnessed him be kind to the girls. Suzette's now watching him not be kind to her. I don't know why it didn't throw up flags for Suzette. She was talking at the end about all the good he does for the girls when they come and you see the new girl who's come in and how they're treating her and they didn't treat Tess like that whatsoever. I don't know how Suzette wasn't like, “Bitch, let me get you out of here.” She was, “Lay low, be quiet.”
Maybe like, “I don't know what's going on but I’m going to figure it out.”
She was like, “No, go along with it.” A terrible thing happens, “It's okay. He's a kind man.”
I'm like, “He's not a kind man. He let someone rape me in the house. It just happened.”
Sometimes when I read a book, the book makes absolutely no sense that I feel like the author is trying to gaslight me a little bit to make me feel this shit is normal. I'm like, “This is not normal.” The thing is I'm totally okay. I liked the Stockholm Syndrome. I liked those things in books but I think it was the way Tess was going back and forth and in and out of these thoughts. The catalyst for her being with Q was that she got kidnapped and raped by the other two guys and then comes back and then she's on board. She's like, “I'm here for this shit now.”
I wrote that down. “Q is right. I was safe with him. He made it so simple. I couldn't comprehend how I ran before. I ran from Q’s safety and the monsters found me in the dark.” I was like, “No, bitch. The monsters found you in his house. He brought the monster and he invited it in for cognac.” Also, in that sense, I get the traumatic, you would go back to that child-like, “He rescued me and killed the bad guy, so he's the savior.” I was okay with that. Although I agree, she went back and forth way too many times but then she wasn't onboard. Before we go too far ahead, I do want to say that he did get major points after she got raped. When he took the shower with her, washed her, let her cry, took care of her and soothed her soul. It was like, “Let me replace the memory.” I was like, “That's the man you want throughout the whole book.”
You want the man who's going to savage you but also is going to aftercare you some happiness. She said something like that. “If he gives me some soft, then I can give him the hard. If he's willing to be nice to me, then I'm willing to go into the darkness where I want to be.” Shani, right after that, he says, “Recognize me. See me. I am your master.” “My throat closed, fighting with injustice. He was my master, but for how long? I don't have a choice in the length of my captivity. I never did. I never would. He would never see me as Tess, a girl, a woman who refused to bow to anyone. A woman who was more than just a fucking bribe. I glared. See me. I am not yours to torment.” I'm like, “Except for the he wanted to torment you, part A, and part B, you said five seconds ago that he was your master and you'd never leave him and that you were safe with him.” He was so sad, the look of betrayal when she called the police. I was like, “You call her slave every day, bro, and sexually assault her every day. What do you expect?”
Let's go back because there was a moment in this story where if I could jump into the scene, if this was in real life and I could step right in a minute and then smack Tess across the face and be like, “What are you doing?” When she gets the phone and then she calls Brax as her first call or whatever, as opposed to the police. I was like, “What?”
That didn't bug me because I could totally see that. When you panic and you latch onto like, “Brax will make it okay.” It's not like she's in America and she knows it's 911. How would she know how to call the police? That did not bother me.
She didn't even know if Brax was alive.
That was a little problematic because she did not know he was alive, but I understand the urge to call him.
I was like, “You don’t even know if he’s alive or not.”
I like that you find out later that he screened the call because he didn't know the number. I was like, “That is so perfect.”
It's probably better that he screened the call though because she was able to leave the message. They could relisten to it back or whatever. I was definitely in the moment like, “That's your first call?” There's sometimes in stories where I feel the authors give us one, I felt there was so much useless information in this book. In the very beginning, when they're talking about how she feels and her relationship with Brax and all that. For me, that went on too long. They gave me too much information to tell me she was in an unfulfilled relationship.
The second thing is her parents. First of all, this is so fucked up. They accidentally got pregnant with her when they were late in life and they didn't care about her and whatever. It was a very one-dimensional way of describing her parents, so they didn't care what she did. After she got kidnapped and they thought she was dead, they cremated a stuffed unicorn or something and scattered the ashes in the backyard and then were super stoked and excited when she came back alive. This did not make sense to me in the story whatsoever. It was the bad parents like, “These are my bad parents.” I don't know why, she could have made them dead. She did not need to have parents in the book. I know she didn't want parents getting involved in the search and rescue. Maybe that's why she did it that way but I'm like, “They could have been dead. She didn't have to have parents.”
I think they were not dead because they were supposed to point out that the reason she stayed with Brax so long was that she never been chosen by anyone because her parents didn't care. At one point, they talked about giving her up for adoption.
They could have still been dead. All that could have existed and the parents could have been dead.
His parents were dead. I don't know. Maybe she didn't want a whole bunch of dead parents. Also, Q’s dad and mom was dead. Maybe she was like, “Everyone can’t die.”
There was some other depressing shit that happened too, Brax when he was meeting with the neighbor. He was like, “I’ve been consoling her because of,” insert super tragic event that happened too. I was like, “This book has a lot of tragedy.”
I want to talk quickly about the housekeeper because it popped into my mind. The housekeeper was the housekeeper back in the day when he was a child. She knew that the dad was a sadistic fuck. There's that scene where she comes in and he's having breakfast with her. This is right after Tess gets to the house and he's like, “You have two options. One is that I use you as a slave. The other one is I give you a job.” Tess won't say her name and won't tell him about herself. He's like, “It looks like you chose option one.” The housekeeper comes in and they have a silent exchange as she describes it. They stare at each other. He finally nods and the housekeeper is satisfied and walks away. The sign they exchange is that he's going to use her. I'm like, “What's happening?”
There was a lot of moments that where I couldn't quite understand.
From their perspective, they saw her fire and were hoping that she would save him, as Suzette says at some point later, “We saw how strong you are. We were hoping that you would be the one who could finally reach him and stand up to him and draw him out.” Also, it's fucked up though because you're also doing it at your peril. “We didn't care about you as a human being. We wanted him to be better. Fuck you if it broke your mind.”
I feel like it's a little bit fucked up because the housekeeper was there with the dad and I'm assuming she wasn't okay with it but she's getting paid. She needs to keep her mouth shut and do what her job and whatever. I feel like the staff has seen him try to rescue these girls. Now there's an anomaly where there's a new girl that he's acting out of character with and he's abusive towards. I feel like that's a red flag for the staff. I feel like there should have been slightly more concern from the staff.
Don't you feel his whole job is to rehabilitate these girls? Some of them stay they said a year, some stay 2 or 3 years. Suzette obviously decided she wanted to stay forever. I feel for her, he could have looked at her and been like, “You seem fine. I’m going to send you home.” Why did he put on an ankle tracking bracelet on her? That stuff all made it seem he was like crazy. Maybe he did it because he didn’t trust the neighborhood because there are some weird fucks out in the area, so he didn't want them to run away.
There was at one point where he said that. He said that guard was to keep others out, not to keep you in.
Why didn't they tell her that right away like, “There are some weirdos out there who are trying to harm people. Stay inside.” I want to talk about some other things such as blood play, Shani. First of all, there are a bunch of good sexual encounters. The first one where he's finger fucking her on the pool table. I was like, “That’s hot.” He leans her up over, presses her down. I was like, “That seems nice.” Even though he kidnapped her and it's wrong, it also seems nice and she's enjoying it. I was like, “This is what dark romance is,” where you're titillated by the wrongness of it all, the tabooness of it all.
I love the tabooness of it. That's what I love about dark romance. I'm allowed to like the things that I could never be allowed to like in real life and also, I wouldn't want to do in real life.
If someone cut their chest and expected me to lick their blood, I'd be like, “Let's talk about what's going on in your blood, a disease.” My first thought wouldn't be, “I’m going to suck on you like a vampire.” I guess I suck my kid's cuts and stuff though. I guess maybe I wouldn't care that much.
Here's another side of the thing, when she gets taken to Mexico and she goes for that gynecological exam and they get the injection in her neck and whatever.
This is while she's being kidnapped. This is a gynecological exam by the traffickers to see if she's a virgin or not. They put a tracking bug in her and a tracking tattoo on her wrist.
I imagine that they were also checking for STDs or whatever. I was like, “You can visually look if somebody maybe has genital warts or herpes, and if they're having an outbreak at the moment, then you can detect it.” They didn't know other detection for STDs. They're just trafficking people, not knowing any bit of it.
Tears Of Tess: “I wasn’t as wet as I should have been. And the invasion was pleasure as well as pain.”
They don’t give a fuck. They are like, “She visibly looks clean and she's a virgin, she goes to someone who wants a virgin. She visibly looks clean and isn't a virgin, she goes to someone who doesn't care if she's a virgin.” They don't care. They get paid either way.
Q is supposed to be helping all these girls. He doesn't do any checking for himself.
Where's the doctor? Why didn't you have a doctor on staff? If you have all these girls who were malnourished and they've been beaten, they probably have bones that need to be set right. They have all kinds of problems and they've been raped all the time. They definitely need interior vaginal exams. They probably need some minor surgeries in some cases or major surgeries. Who knows what's happening?
He asked her like, “Can you get pregnant?” or whatever essentially.
I thought that was pretty funny too because I was like, “Are you not going to rape her if she's not on the pill? Are you going to rape her with condoms? What's your point?” He does literally pause as he's about to fuck her. He's like, “Can you get pregnant?” She's like, “I'm on some shot,” or whatever. He's like, “Cool.” I was like, “Assuming that you, at this point, we don't know that he's been saving these women and that we assume that he's some evil or semi-evil guy. Why don't you abort the baby?” I hate to say it but are you drawing the line at abortion when you're raping folks and keeping them slaves? That seems nonsense to me.” It's inconvenient but he's not going to wear a condom. Is he going to wait for the shot to take 30 days to take effect or some pills to start working? No.”
That would be part of the intake. I love to put myself in these scenarios where if I was a bad guy like, “If I was a kidnapper, you all are doing it all wrong.”
I think the same thing. I'm like, “You are some dumbass criminals. This is how I do it.”
If I were taking in girls because I wanted to abuse them, I would have a whole intake process before that girl ever got to me. They would come into my house, but they get processed. It goes through the doctor that go through like having their shots, they go through having whatever. Once the candy is in front of you, you're like, “I want to taste it.” That's a problem. There's a whole intake situation before it would ever even get it.
The reason that they didn't have such a process was because normally he doesn't attack the girls and want to have sex with them. He was surprised that he wanted to have sex with her. Let's talk about bleeding and blood play because I do want to talk about the fact that he and she are both very into not only the aggressive fucking, whipping, paddling, spanking and all that stuff. He gets the scissors out and that motherfucker cuts her and then drinks her blood. He cuts himself and she drinks his blood. There were multiple times when they have sex where he is biting her so hard on the shoulder or collarbone to hold her down that he breaks the skin. I was like, “Shani is going to love that primal show.” That was my thought.
First of all, I'm not going to confirm nor deny whether or not I’ve ever drawn blood in the act of playing.
On purpose to drink it or it happened?
No, it happened.
That's different. Who has the scratch to pull harder than they should?
My partner and I engage in consensual non-consent or whatever and we're primal players, which means it's a lot more of an animalistic type of play. We play rough. Blood happening happens. Now, there are some people in kink community who specifically do blood play. They do cutting, they do needles and that's their Jimmy jam. It's not my Jimmy jam. The sight of blood, I'm a girl in my period. I bleed for two weeks solid. Blood doesn't faze me. If we're playing and blood happens to happen, as long as nobody is super hurt, you keep playing, you keep going. When we're done, we’ll bandage it up. I don't have the urge to lick up the blood. That's not my Jimmy jam. Good for you, not for me.
I did like the way she described it though that he was like, “He needed me so bad, he broke my skin and that he lapped up my essence.” It’s very poetic.
The thing is seeing them play and do it, that shit can be hot. Even though I wouldn't do it in real life. The fact that two people want each other so much, that's an expression of that want.
She's going to have a lot of little teeth mark scars all over her body.
She going to have a lot more than that.
Can I tell you a funny story about my 1-year-old bit the 3-year-old? Kira was smothering Molly with a hug, like a toddler aggressive hug. Molly is trying to wiggle out and couldn't. They're so hard, Kira had teeth marks on her like a full top set and bottom set. It's hysterical. I was like, “Molly, you shouldn't do that. Molly is getting a timeout. Also, you need to listen if she's trying to get out and let her go or she's going to bite you.”
I feel like that was a great learning lesson. I remember my mom was telling me that she had a tiny dog growing up and that dog bit her sister, my Auntie Linda, and my Auntie Linda bit the dog back and the dog never bit anyone ever again. I'm sure Kira will think twice next time. Kira is strong though. If she gives you a hug, she's choking you.
She's so aggressive. At least Molly is getting closer to 1.5 so she has much more strength now. It’s toddler love. It’s a lot, so is Q’s love. It's a lot of love.
This book was fine for me in general. It’s a middle of the road type of thing, I'm excited to read darker. I'm excited to get into some dark ass shit and stuff that's a little bit more cohesive to me story-wise. You know me. If things don't start making sense in a story, if too many things don't make sense, it takes me out of the world. A lot of these books are stuck in the mind of one person or they switch back and forth. It will be Tess’ view then Q’s view. A lot of them follow this format. I don't enjoy being stuck in the mind of a character too long. It's a little less conversation, a little more action. I like when the action in this book happened and I was looking forward to it so much because it meant that I could get out of Tess’ head for a while.
What did you think about him banishing her? Basically, what happened was she calls the cops, the cops come and Suzette tells her. He doesn't even say it. Suzette says, “If the deal he made with the cops was that he lets you go, then they won't file a report.” He sends her back to Australia. Tell me your thoughts, Shani.
I like that he sends her home.
Me too, first time ever. I hate when they arbitrarily separate but I was like, “Good.”
One, it gave him a bit of redemption. It gave me a little bit to like about him. Two, it allowed her to make the choice and the consensual choice of living this BDSM lifestyle or kinky lifestyle that they're about to go into. I’ve seen much more extreme play in kink and BDSM.
It sounded like on the book, he wants to go much darker but he’s starting her out with spanking and paddles.
He started her out with level one. Everything in this book for me was level one. What they did was level one. They did not do anything that I was like, “I'm so titillated by this.” There was hotness and sex scene, but that's no different than any other romance novel that we've read. I don't think this book was hotter to me than any other romance novel. When I think romance, I'm thinking I'm going to get some hot shit. Hot shit that I could spread on a muffin. This book was definitely not that but I would say it was a solid book. The author, by the way, I think she has so much potential.
This was her debut novel.
I saw that this was her debut novel. I saw that this was released in 2016 or at least on Audible. She has four more years under her belt. I'd be excited to read a newer novel from her to see how she's grown because she can definitely write. There needed a bit more editing. A stronger editor would have helped this book out. If she was also a little bit more adventurous in the sexual play in this book, it would have helped it out.
From what I read in the description of book two, they explore more in their relationship.
I needed that in book one because I’m not going to read book two. If you didn't give it to me in book one, how do I believe you're going to give it to me in book two? You’ve got to give me a good taste of what's to come.
I was excited because I feel the next one, they're going to hunt down all the people who kidnapped her and stuff. I love a good book where you got a vigilante hero. I like to be titillated. As you know, Shani, I don't think that sex and suspense can't go together. I'm like, “We're hunting for Mexican rapists and traffickers. Now is the perfect time to have a clandestine sexual experience.”
No, first of all, let me rephrase that because you did not accurately depict what I'm talking about. You’re like, “Are we going to hunt down some rapists and traffickers? Are they on the other side of this door now? This is a perfect time. Can you be quiet?”
“Why don't you tie me up? Cover my mouth and hold me down.”
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Shani, I know I was going to get you with that. What did you take of Tess? Overall, how many stars? Peach booties? What have you got?
I gave Tess three peach booties. This is why. I bet she definitely was not at a four. She started off the book strong for me. I liked her up until she got to Q’s. I could see that this girl was going through problems at home. She needed someone to tap that ass in the way that she needed to tap and she was fighting for it. She was exploring her mind, asking questions, trying to be braver in what she was asking for. I can totally relate. I thought that Tess in the beginning of the book is the Tess I wanted to see throughout the book and whatever.
I felt like I got this very wishy-washy, indecisive, stuck, angsty brain for the rest of the book. I think that the author could have done that with Tess. I could have read more of the second half of the book with Tess being wishy-washy if she didn't make me read so much of the boring part of the first part of the book. By the time I got to her and Q, I was ready for them to fuck. I was like, “Q is going to rape her. He wants you to come in there. He isn’t bowing to you. He’s going to bend over the table. She’s going to get spanked, maybe get a little tip of the dick, something right off the bat.” She took so long to get to that point for me, that once she gets to Q and nothing happened, I was like, “What am I here for? Why am I reading this book?”
He leaves her alone for two weeks. I'm like, “I don't want that.”
The strong part of Tess in the beginning, even that with the whiny prior to Tess in the second part.
I like that she was freed from thinking something's wrong with her for liking being dominated into embracing it at the end, coming back for him and being like, “I am okay with this, with the caveat that you are going to be kind to me and let me in and let me be your equal and partner in all areas, except for the bedroom where you are allowed to do whatever you would like.” I gave her a three also. I also gave him a three and I feel like because we were in her mind, we didn't get as much from him.
I didn't feel as connected to him. Everything was her reacting to what he's doing or trying to figure out what he's doing. We do end up finding out that he's been saving these women and that he's trying to make up for his dad's mistakes and all that stuff. He did send her away, even though he clearly loved her and was obsessed with her because he thought that's what she needed. The one instance where I’ll say that I like that and usually I'm against it. I also was like, “She wants the D. You give the D to her. Give it to her now.” That's why he got a 3, not a 4.
I gave him a three for the exact same reasons. I was like, “I don't know much about this fool.” There was an epilogue in my audiobook that I'm not sure if it accompanied the first book. That was from Q’s point of view and his childhood. That's when you hear all about his childhood. That was the most depth I got from learning about Q. I didn't need to know his entire life history during the book but I could have done with a little bit more of him and so much less of Brax in the beginning. There was so much of Brax. If I was going to not finish a book, he would have been in that very beginning when they kept talking about her and Brax’s relationship.
Tears Of Tess: “The key is not to lie to yourself even while you fake it.”
I didn't mind that only because I thought it did a very good job of setting her character evolution. The hesitancy to ask what she wants, she's nervous to wear her lingerie. She's finally going to ask for it, what would he do? That soul-crushing moment where he's like, “Why do you need this? I'm not going to give that to you. Even then, her trying to salvage it still. I think it could have been done faster.
For me, Q felt very damn close to one dimensional. He's the main character in the story, Brax isn't. I felt like I got way more history on Brax and understanding of him as a person than I did on Q. If you're going to sacrifice one, if you're going to make someone one dimensional, let it be the dude who’s not going to be part of the book, who's going to be the throwaway character. In general, don't make anyone one dimensional out there, for authors reading.
Did you feel Q was a McDreamy or a McSteamy? What did you think?
What did you think?
I’d say he’s like, “McMakeMeBleed or a McSpankMe.”
McSpankMe is a good one because I felt the moments where it was hot, when they were getting down and dirty, and it was hot, I was into it. I like Mr. Domineering, but in the other moments in between, he was a whole lot of a little bitch baby for me. I don't know where he's on the map. It's like Carmen San Diego. I have no idea where this fool is.
Where's Waldo? Obviously, this book was kinky and had some BDSM and non-consent as well as a full-on rape and things. The kidnapping, slavery variety. Did you have a favorite line in the book?
One of my favorite lines was, “I wasn't as wet as I should have been. The invasion was pleasure as well as pain.” I liked this line for a lot of reasons because I felt like young Shani. I wasn't always able to speak up how it was when I was a little bit older when I first started having sex because I didn't know what sex was supposed to feel like. I didn't know that you should be gushing for your partner. My partner walks in the room and my vagina is wet. That's how it should be. If it's not that way, then one, you'd probably need to go to the doctor and get that checked out. Two, you might need to re-evaluate how much foreplay and things you're having with the partner that you have. Young Shani was like, “I'm not ready but okay, here we go.” This line resonated. When I read it, I was like, “Many days of that almost ready, then we start.” That's why I liked that line. What's one of yours? I know you’ve got probably 50 over there.
I already told you mine, Shani. The only one I didn't tell you yet was I do like a vengeful human being. The very end of the book is, “I promise to protect you, ravage you, hunt those who hurt you, and give you life you deserve. My fortune is yours. My secrets are yours. I will give you the corpses of the men who hurt you.” I'm like, “That's hot. Also, you're one of those people. You better reevaluate. Better go kill that Russian mofo.” I don't know why but it makes me mad. Obviously, all kinds of rape are horrible. Her getting kidnapped by those two other dudes, again, second kidnapping, getting raped. That’s horrible also. I feel like not enough horror was placed on that man shoving the hilt of his dirty knife into her vagina.
First of all, I 100% agree. If this were a more sadistic, dark romance where the person doesn't give a fuck about the person and anything can happen to them and that's what we're dealing with, then that scenario works fine in that story. In this story, it doesn't because he was supposed to be protecting her. That's the whole plotline behind why he is and how he is. The fact that he told the guy to get away, the guy doesn't and then this happened or whatever, I was like, “Who's running the show here? I thought you were a boss.” There's a reason I read all these mafia boss books. I love when someone's the boss and when they say some shit, everybody jumps. I one hundred thousand bazillion percent agree with you in the fact that because that happened on his watch, that's hard to come back from. Not only that, then he was doing that same thing that Brax did where she's having to console him or he's all in his feelings about it.
He's in shock that she runs away after it.
She then calls the police.
She can find good dick in other places.
Also, that line that you read is absolutely one of the hottest fucking lines in the book. It's probably the sexiest thing that he says.
That's why I feel book two is going to be hotter than book one. If that's the BDE we're going in with where he's like, “We're going to rain hellfire together and fuck our way through this book.” That feels like a good place to start it.
I don't remember the context of when says that to her. I remember him saying it but that's the line that you want someone to say when they're balls deep inside of you and they whisper that shit in your ear. They hold your hair. They're pulling your hair and then they whisper that shit in your ear while your neck is arched. That's how that line needs to be delivered. That's all I'm going to say about that. I have two other lines. One doesn't matter but this one does. “The key is not to lie to yourself even while you fake it.” That's our resonant line in general. All the lines I like to pick are because they resonate well.
That line is not unique to this book or any dark romance. In life in general, when you are faking something, anything, faking it until you make it, whatever that scenario is, do not believe your own lie. Don't get so deep down your own rabbit hole that you believe the new truth that you've told yourself. I have encountered too many adults who are drinking their own Kool-Aid. I can't live in a world of delusion. I can't fuck with you like that. Suzette tells her this, “Basically to fake it until you make it and the key is don't believe what you're faking. I thought that was a great line. I was like, “Snaps from Suzette.”
Snaps for Suzette, whose character was confusing at times. My favorite review is from Chelsea Humphrey on Goodreads. It said a lot of things, but here is the last paragraph, “In lieu of rehashing the synopsis, I’ll say that the first 40% of the book covers the stage of the story between Tess and Brax’s vacation, her being kidnapped and trafficked and arriving at Q's manor. The remainder of the book felt a bit a prologue to the sequel. As I read, I wondered how on earth I could grow to adore Q as much as all the other readers or the series, but clearly there is a point where much more information is granted and boom, swoon. I don't want to touch too much on the plot but I will say that I'm very excited to continue to the next book and see these horrible monsters pay for their crimes in trafficking.” She gave it four stars.
Did you give it four stars?
I did not. I gave it three stars. I liked it. I feel like if she hadn't waffled so much, I felt like I had a handle on her character in the beginning. I had a good handle on her character when she first got trafficked. I had a good handle on her character when she arrived at Q’s. I feel like the points between her being raped by the Russian guy and the police coming, I feel like 25% of the book was very up, down with her feelings and like, “I'm going to stand up to him. No, he's my master. I'm going to stand up to him. No, he's the only safe space. He's not safe. I have to run. No, I have to go back.” I felt like it was very back and forth. Had that part been smooth a little, I think I would have given it four stars because I did enjoy reading it. I thought her writing style was good. I wasn't annoyed with the way she wrote or anything.
My favorite review, I had a hard time. This one is from Tina and this is a paraphrase, “What can I say? This did not live up to the hype for me. I liked it okay. The main heroine got on my nerves with the constant conflict. Already, we know you like to be spanked.” I thought this review was funny. I couldn't find a more descriptive review, “I gave this book also a three. Any book where I'd say if you want to a read, you want to pass some time and you want a solid read. It's a solid read to me. There are many things that are conflicting in my brain that I didn't enjoy. However, I do enjoy the potential of this author. I might pick up a newer book of hers to see what she's writing now. I do think that maybe in the next couple of books, since book one in a series, it's always, as you know, the setup book is always tough. Book 2 or 3, I'd recommend people keep going in the series because you might find a nice, new gem, especially if they're hunting down bad guys. That's more my speed. I like that.” They're hunting them. They're not being hunted per se because I don't like being titillated. “I would recommend that I also gave them a three. This is a solid three. That's it.”
She's written 30-some books now. I'm looking at her series. She has a whole bunch of series and duologies.
She’s got that many books that I'm confident that she is a better editor now. Also, she's getting much better at writing.
I think for a debut, yellow buttons.
Not everybody can be Evie Dunmore. Not everybody can have a debut novel that out the gate is like, “Bam.”
Like Sarah J. Maas who becomes a cultural phenomenon. Most people have the bad ones. The fact that it's good, that's positive. Shani, this book also, it was a good ease into it but I felt it was fun because the last season that we did, I was looking for very sexy books. I purposefully didn't choose books that were dark at all because I knew we were going to go into the dark season. Our last season was any problems that the characters had were more miscommunication or angsty or maybe they didn't even have problems because it was a novella and they got to fuck and it was great. I'm excited that this season, there's new stuff going on for us to talk about. I think it's going to be fun.
I also want to preface this, dear readers. We are not experts at taboo fantasy. We're exploring it with you. Tell us what you think about dark fantasy. Also, if we say something that you're like, “The reason why this is that way is because of this type of fantasy,” or whatever, let us know. Hit us on Instagram, DM us. We always answer. Me and Bridget are both very open to learning about stuff that's not in our sphere of life. It's important that we're never in a weird echo chamber of information. I want to know what you know.
We're happy to always shout out our friends on the show. If you send us some cool information and we are willing to let us read it and tell our readers about it, we're also very happy to do that.
I'm so excited about our first dark romance book together, Bridget. It’s very lovely.
I think this is a high-five. I feel like this was a fun episode.
I like this one a lot. I can't wait to talk to this author.
First of all, her name is Pepper Winters. Secondly, she's friends with Nalini Singh. That's fun because you guys know we love Nalini, and if you did not catch that interview, it was awesome. She lives in New Zealand. We've got another Kiwi author coming on the old path. New Zealand in the house.
That's all we've got for you. Bridget, until next time.
May your books be your lover.
Your hand your best friend.
I love you.
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Thanks for hanging in with us, romance readers. Head over to Instagram to continue chatting with us. We're super friendly. We want to cackle with you. We want to know what your favorite sex scene was. We need more book recommendations. If you want to read along with us, go to our website, RomanceAtAGlance.com, to see what we're reading next and we'll see you in the next episode.
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About Pepper Winters
Pepper currently has thirty-one books released in nine languages. She’s hit best-seller lists (USA Today, New York Times, and Wall Street Journal) thirty-seven times. She dabbles in multiple genres, ranging from Dark Romance to Coming of Age.
After chasing her dreams to become a full-time writer, Pepper has earned recognition with awards for best Dark Romance, best BDSM Series, and best Hero. She’s an #1 iBooks bestseller, along with #1 in Erotic Romance, Romantic Suspense, Contemporary, and Erotica Thriller. She’s also honoured to wear the IndieReader Badge for being a Top 10 Indie Bestseller.
After releasing two books with Grand Central, Hachette (Ruin & Rule and Sin & Suffer) Pepper is a Hybrid Author of both Traditional and Self-published work.
Welcome to Romance at a Glance, a podcast that uses romance novels to dive into candid conversations about life, relationship dynamics, and sexual desires.
As hosts Bridget and Shani review books and interview some of romance’s biggest authors, they explore the breadth of the genre, openly embracing the sex, diverse couplings, and taboo in order to create a safe space for listeners to be exposed to different lifestyles, fantasies, and to pique their naughty curiosity.
Expect 100% honest reviews, spontaneous singing, life lessons, indecent anecdotes, and bawdy humor.
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MAY YOUR BOOKS BE YOUR LOVER AND YOUR HAND YOUR BEST FRIEND.