Pestilence By Laura Thalassa
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Full transcript available below.
Pestilence Book Review at a Glance
Heroine Rating: Sara
Shani: 🍑🍑🍑
Bridget: 🍑🍑🍑
Hero Rating: Pestilence
Shani: 🍆🍆🍆
Bridget: 🍆🍆🍆
McDreamy to Mc Steamy:
Shani: Mc where are the other 3 horsemen to manage me
Bridget: McDreamy Four Horsemen
Classy to Nasty:
Very Very Very Classy, especially for a Dark Romance
Romance at a Glance Reviews Pestilence by Laura Thalassa
Book Title: Pestilence
Author: Laura Thalassa
Narrator/ Available in audio: Shani thought the narrator did a great job!
Part of a Series: Book #1 of the Four Horsemen
Genre: Dark Romance, but really more Fantasy or dystopian romance?
Cover Art: Looks like Brad Pitt in Troy so I was on board.
Synopsis: 4 horsemen of the apocalypse come to Earth and tech fails and life as we know it is over and they vanish as quickly as they wreaked havoc. 5 years later in a dystopian future, Pestilence is back, spreading plague in his wake and Sara draws the short stick to stay behind and kill him. Only, he doesn’t stay dead and vows to make her suffer. Now Sara may still be able to save the world, by showing Pestilence the good of humanity and some love.
Favorite Line in the Book:
Shani:
I like him despite the fact that he’s bringing about the end of the world. And that is immensely troubling.
“Cannot unknow the sensation, surely it will haunt me for all my days.
Bridget:
“Morality, and not faith,” he continues, “is what matters to God.”
“Is nothing sacred?” he bellows. “I was inside you. Inside you. I felt you move around me. I gave you my essence. And you’re treating it, all of it, as though we merely danced together.”
Favorite parts of the book:
Wish Ruth and Rob had come earlier in the book to help drive the story forward faster. There isn’t really a plot of the book.
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So the premise of the books is great.
I love the obvious struggles that will be presented.
I love that pestilence keeps killing people even when he's falling in love with her. What a precarious predicament to be in.
Quick Guide Review of the Book and Notes
Worth the Read?
Shani: ⭐⭐
Bridget: ⭐⭐
As a Dark Romance novel, I don’t think this was great. As an interesting fantasy / dystopian novel, possibly a 3 star read, but as a romance novel, I wasn’t super connected to it. First of all, I thought this was a dark romance and while he does torture her a bit in the beginning, he is a sweet virgin who loves her and doesn’t understand love, not a torturing dark romance lead who makes her kneel. They have the most loving sex ever, which is nice, but again, not dark romance. This book did have some really interesting ways of explaining faith, religion, morality etc which I really enjoyed, but that was all part of the fantasy aspect.
Favorite Review:
Shani:
Renee Nicole rated it liked it
Shelves: audiobook, cover-porn, recent-reads
For a romance between a woman and one of the four Horsemen of the apocalypse who is spreading disease to wipe out humanity, I guess this was pretty good?
The story grabbed me from the beginning, it was exciting. I love apocalypse stories, and this one started out being great. But there were some things I didn't like about it, which makes me wonder how I feel about it all now that I'm done.
Bridget:
Renee Nicole rated it 3 stars
Shelves: recent-reads, audiobook, cover-porn
For a romance between a woman and one of the four Horsemen of the apocalypse who is spreading disease to wipe out humanity, I guess this was pretty good? ….
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Pestilence book, click here.
Read the Series here.
Bridget read it on Kindle Unlimited, try out your first month free!
Shani listened on Audible. Try Audible Premium Plus and get up to 2 free audiobooks!
Full Podcast Transcript
What’s up, Shani?
What's up, Bridget? I am so excited because we have a new patron Callan B. Callan, how are you doing?
What up? Thank you for joining the Patreon family. If you want to join us on Patreon, go to Patreon.com/RomanceAtAGlance. You get all kinds of extra goodies, more clips from our interviews that we do, extra views, extra behind the scenes of me and Shani talking fun nonsense. It is a good time to be a patron. Also, lots of other, stickers. Shani designed a whole slew of new stickers and they're super cute. Come on where the water is warm.
I’m so excited.
I'm excited to talk to you. I'm excited to hear your take on Pestilence. We're reading Pestilence by Laura Thalassa. This book was recommended to us by our friends on Insta. Thank you for recommending books. If you guys want to recommend books, drop us a review and leave a book in there and we will be sure to keep it in mind. I was excited. The cover is beautiful. I love dystopian fantasy shit. I'm intrigued about what you think.
I feel the same way because I was like, one, this book should have made it to fantasy season instead of dark romance season even though it was dark as shit. The thing about this book that we didn't have in the other dark romances is that there is a fantasy element. It does allow you to suspend some of your disbelief, whereas the other ones that were more contemporary didn't allow you to do that.
I'm wondering whether you're going to like that or not. You guys, let's get this shit popping because I got to know what Shani thinks.
I'm trying not to say it till we get it popping. Let’s get it popping.
Before we get too far into all of this, tell us a little bit about the audiobook.
In the audiobook, her name is Susannah Jones, and she did a great job. I loved her voice and I noticed that she did a great job.
The audiobook for this one is a go.
Pestilence (The Four Horsemen Book 1)
I recommend it.
This is Pestilence, book number one of The Four Horsemen series by Laura Thalassa. It is billed as a dark romance. We are definitely going to bring this up numerous times throughout this review. It is a dark romance, technically. It is also a fantasy/fantasy romance and a dystopian romance if dystopian romance exists as a genre. First off, let's talk about the cover art because I'm not going to lie, this book was recommended to us but the cover art, I was on board for it. It was giving me all of the Brad Pitt Troy vibes that I ever could want. Golden armor, bronze skin. It has the rippling abs, the penis pointers, the hair front of his face, I was like, “Sign me the fuck up."
I will cosign that. It was giving me Brad Pitt meets D'Angelo, that how does it feel D'Angelo giving me that nice deep V. I'm like, “Let the camera go a little bit lower.” I loved the gold armor. I loved everything about the aesthetic of the cover. I love gold everything, the gaudiest gold you can ever have. Brad Pitt, yes, long blonde hair. Blondes are not necessarily my thing but I was here for this Legends of the Fall Brad. I love long hair on a man.
What I enjoy in this photo I don't enjoy in real life, necessarily, or I have not historically enjoyed it in real life. Aesthetically, in this photo, I was like, “Yes, please.” Where does one sign up for pestilence in my bed?
I also like his stance in this. He seems lost in thought. It feels a little vulnerable too, but he's pestilence, so I don't know how they managed to get this good juxtaposition for me here. I am down for it. I stared at this cover while I listen to the book.
That's so funny because we learned all about that when we were talking to Sarah from Smart Bitches Trashy Books Podcast. You brought that up, that you like to stare at the cover. That's so interesting because I look at the cover at the beginning and then I never look at it again, especially on Kindle, I never look at it again, or I might catch glimpses of it. If I'm reading an actual physical book, I might glance at it every now and then. I might see the cover on my nightstand or something, but for the most part, I'm not looking at the cover all the time. That's such an interesting thing that you literally stare at this smoke show. A good cover can mold a book for you in a good way and a bad cover can take away from that.
Even just the way they presented him on the cover helped in the book for me to think of him like this.
I read this on Kindle Unlimited. This is a Kindle Unlimited book. If you don't have Kindle Unlimited, go to our website, we'll have a link and you can try it out for 30 days for free. Shani listens on Audible. You can also try it out for free and get two free eBooks. If you go to our website, we have a little offer on there. Check that out. I do want to say, this book is in dark romance and he's a Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I thought this book was going to be really fucked up. I thought he was going to push her sexual boundaries. I definitely thought there was going to be a lot of non-consent, especially at the beginning and he was a sweet shy little person. He just wanted love. He wanted the most romantic sweet slow thrusting sex from her. That's nice, but it did not spell dark romance for me. The biggest note that I had in this was it’s not really a dark romance.
Synopsis the people.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come to earth, and all technology fails, planes crashing in the air, life as we know it is over, and then they vanish as quickly as they wreaked havoc. Five years later, in a dystopian future, Pestilence is back spreading plague in his wake. Sarah draws the short stick to stay behind and tries to kill him to save humanity. Only, he doesn't stay dead after she shoots him and burns him alive. He vows to make her suffer. Sarah may still be to save the world but by showing Pestilence the good of humanity, and some sweet loving.
I was definitely intrigued. They came, it's five years later, it's dystopian, she's a firefighter. I was like, “A girl firefighter, badass.” I was into that aspect of it. I was into the setup, him coming down, her pulling the short stick to stay behind and shoot him. Her burning him alive and throwing up and crying through it because she's a firefighter. Her willingness to sacrifice her soul to save humanity, so she thinks. He then comes back from the dead. I was like, “That's dope as hell. He's Pestilence. How could pestilence die?” He doesn't kill her right away. He's like, “I'm going to make your life horrible.” He then ties her to his horse and makes her run behind him until finally, she can’t run anymore. He then drags her and all the skin comes off on her thing and whatever. I was like, “We're in the dark. Where are we going to go from here?” That was it. He tortures her at the beginning.
He shoots her with an arrow.
He shoots her with an arrow when she tries to run away in that first week, though. That's all right after one another. All those events happen within the first couple of days of the book. After that, he quickly stops making her run and lets her sit in the saddle. He's like, “Humans are so much frailer.” He starts bandaging her wounds, finding food for her, and stopping early, so she's not cold. He's taking care of her even though he's like, “You're my prisoner.” He’s still killing people because he's pestilence and then he makes her watch them die, which is obviously a way to make her suffer. I was like, “That's dark.” He's moved on from physical warfare to psychological warfare.
It's not a romance, though, in the sense that it takes a long time for him to look at her as a woman. It's halfway through the book before she says like, “He's looking at me like a man and not with a dispassionate eye,” because he sees her naked right away when he's tending her and he just doesn't give a fuck. I’m like, “If this is a romance, he should be immediately flaring with some desire,” even if he doesn't act on it. I still want to know that it's there, especially in a dark romance.
I want the threat of the coitus to be there as part of her suffering. That, to me, would have been hitting my id much harder, that he's like, “You're going to suffer,” and he's taunting her with that as a possibility even if he never touches her or acts on it, but it's like a sweet romance. He falls in love with her and takes care of her. When they finally have sex, it's real loving and gentle. What did you think, Shani? This book felt more just an interesting dystopian fantasy book versus a romance at all.
I would definitely agree with that sentiment. It was a romance because it does have a romance, it does have a happily ever after or whatever. I read this book before but I had forgotten.
This happens all the time. Shani is like, “I don't think I've read that,” then she reads 1/3 of it and she's like, “Yes, I have.”
When we were talking about doing it, I remember looking at the cover and being like, “I feel like I might possibly because I liked the cover so much,” so I remembered it, but it doesn't matter. Once I read a book and a week has gone by, I’ve forgotten every bit of that book. I read it years ago. When the book starts, I was intrigued. I was like, “Okay, where's this going?” I didn't remember where it was going. The premise is so good, that's the bummer for me in this book.
Many authors start a book without a great premise. She had an amazing premise to start with. It could have been so dark and gritty. It just wasn't. It felt a little bit flat for me in the overall delivery of it. I am with you in the fact that I wanted Pestilence to be way more ruthless. He was physically violent, he shot her with an arrow when she tried to run away or whatever, but I could have done so much more ruthlessness from him. It would have been justified because he's a Horseman of the Apocalypse.
She burned him alive. It's fine. She deserves it.
There's a huge Karen moment in the book because she shoots and burns him alive and whatever. He comes back and he's going to punish her. She starts playing like the victim. I'm like, “You just burned him.”
He says that though. He's like, “I begged you. I pleaded and you didn’t care. Now, this is what you get.” I was like, “He's not wrong.”
The thing was, I felt like the author had all these justified moments that she could have played with so much more and then didn't. I didn't care for their sweet romance. I did love that he keeps killing people throughout the book, even when he started to fall in love with her or whatever. He's still like, “No, this is my job. I have to do the pestilence.” However, the one thing that didn't make sense to me was that he was saying that he could stop doing the pestilence if people and humanity got their shit together, but it wasn't defined what getting their shit together needed to be.
I was going to say there's no real plot to this book. That was my big thing. They had a great setup, but then he just said multiple times, “I'm going to keep doing this until it's over,” but he never said when it would be over. There was no goal line for her to show him. For instance, if he said, “I'm killing people, and the plague doesn't differentiate between good and bad people.” If he said something like, “The plague is taking all of the bad people. My brothers are coming after me. My job is to weaken humanity.” There had to be something more concrete because the book was them going together through this journey.
It was repetitive.
Them drawing closer to each other and also him still killing people, her still being disturbed by it and caring for those people as they died. Them just going to the next town, but there was no end in sight. I didn't feel like there was a structure where it was like, “We reached a climax, at some point.” Even if it had been something like they've been in these small wilderness towns, and they've been getting shot at and it's been 10 or 100 people dying. Now, they go through a city for the first time, she knows millions of people are going to die and so she leaves him.
Nothing happens. A lot happens in the sense that people die. In the first quarter of the book, a lot happened. After that, the middle half of the book was the same thing happening over and over with the exception of the old couple, Ruth and Bob, who I loved. They should have been early in the book. Let me tell the people a little bit about Ruth. They are going into all these towns, and they keep meeting with bad people because it's the apocalypse, no one has enough food. They're scared of him because they know he's killing everyone. They don't want him in their houses. They don't want to take care of her because their whole family's going to die now, which is totally understandable.
He's only seeing the bad things. People are trying to hurt him all the time. They then go to this one house, and it's this 90-year-old lady, I'm imagining, sitting on her front porch, sipping some lemonade. She's like, “Come on in.” “Honey, the pestilence is here and he brought a friend.” He has never been treated with kindness or welcomed. They're like, “We're already old. What are you going to do? At least we're together and we'll die together.” They make them food, give them shelter, conversation, and warmth. That's the first time he's ever felt the good of humanity, aside from her. It happened fairly late in the book. Halfway through at least, if not 60%.
If that had happened at 30%, then you have him questioning his mission. Him wondering if he's not doing the right thing because now, he started to fall in love with her and sees her goodness and caring for these people that she doesn't know even though she knows they'll die. He's met this old couple who welcomed him into their house. Who, through their last moments, held hands and died together and still loved each other. It would have been more interesting for him to be questioning, “I've been sent on this task, but why, and should I be doing this?” Her, trying to convince him and also care for him. Her internal battle is falling in love with him and wanting to care for him and protect him, but also realizing he's killing people. That I felt made sense, but I don't know. This book squandered a little bit of a great premise.
The premise was so great that it didn't need that much. I agree with you. I wish the older couple had come sooner. After she burned him alive, I only needed one more town to go at him hard to feel the compassion that you get from the old people being kind to him, because he's already been burned twice and shot at twice in the book.
All he needed to say, which he did say was, “Do you think you're the first? I've already been,” and he lists 25 things. You're like, “Shit, he's had a terrible time on Earth.”
I don't think I needed to go through it with him that way. I like her with him offering him chocolate or doing whatever. At the end of the book, I didn't understand why he was giving it all up for her. What changed? I know that she wouldn't talk to him, essentially. He had her locked in a room for a while and then he was like, “I give up. You can go.”
I agree. I had to reread. I was like, “Did I miss something?” It's just that he's sad that she won't speak to him. He realizes he wants her more than he wants to continue his mission. There's nothing else. It’s not like he finally figured out that God was saying, “Not mercy just for her, but mercy for them all,” or whatever.
I feel like I wanted God. In most stories, you don't want that God element where things just happen magically, but in this one, it actually made sense to have God come into the picture or even one of his brothers. His one brother makes an appearance when she gets almost murdered. Especially in this book, she made a point of explaining that God was not who we think God is, and also not a he. In my mind, an energy source that is whatever. I felt like Pestilence could have been questioning along the way. “Why am I doing this talking to God?” Looking at the premise, “What's the point of killing all these people? What will the world learn from that?”
All that could have been discovered along the way. Pestilence could have been making his way to a big town, a big place like Los Angeles. He's going through all these little towns, but once he gets to that end goal of LA, there are a million-plus people living there, that's a whole other whatever. That could have been the driving thing, where she's trying to stop him from getting to LA, and convince him before he gets there. There was no end goal. It was like, “At any point, she could convince him.” “At any point, he could change his mind.”
All that he changed his mind for was that she was mad at him and wouldn't talk to him. That was it. She wouldn't talk to him and so he was like, “Enough of the silent treatment. I'll stop. You can go now.” It was definitely anticlimactic. He then reverses the disease in general, across the world or North America, which I was like, “Cool, I guess.” You then find out in the epilogue it's five years later, and now his brother is coming. He's like, “I can't stop my brother. Pray for the world.” I'm like, “Why can't you stop your brother? You got to fly over where he is and be like, ‘Bro, I found out about humanity. I fell in love with a woman and she saved me from being just pestilence. Why can't you just love a good woman, let me introduce you to her friends and we can all be happy?’”
It was ten years later that his brother is coming. I was like, “Why a ten-year gap?” I didn't quite understand the whole ten-year gap thing, but maybe I will.
There’s a five-year gap at the beginning. Maybe to them because they're asleep, or they're in some other realm, time moves differently or something. One thing I did like about this book is the way she talked about religion, morality, and God. I thought she did a good job of explaining the mysteries of religion without it being religious. He was like, “You think God is one thing? No.” He says things like, “Why would I care about a book written by man? I know God." I enjoyed that aspect. I thought that was well done in the interesting way that he explained things.
The way religion was approached in this book was good because it follows along with how I feel about spirituality, in general. I don't follow any specific religion. I grew up Christian, but I've since let that go. It's more of an energy source and the entire universe being a giant mathematical algorithm propelled by energy. I liked how they described it because everything was like, “No, man put that on.” “Why do you keep saying he?” “You call him he, so I say he because it sounds good for you.”
Pestilence: "I cannot. I know the sensation. Surely it will haunt me for all of my days."
Your small minds couldn’t comprehend.
You guys have to label everything.
“It’s why I’m in this form because if I wasn't in this form, you wouldn't understand,” which I also thought was interesting.
I love how his armor always goes back, even when they're about to fuck, he's got his crown on. She's like, “Why don’t I just take this off.”
I would have left it on.
I’m with you, Bridget. I was like, “Why would you take that off?”
I would have left it on. I probably would have put it on.
I'd be like, “Hold on. Let me get your crown for a minute. Your crown is slipping. Let me hold on.”
“Let me just put it on myself. Let me just ride you and your crown, and you will see stars and it will be beautiful for us.”
That was one of my quotes for the book. We talked about why he gave up everything at the end. One of the quotes I put was when they first had sex, he says, “I cannot unknow this sensation. Surely, it will haunt me for all of my days.” I was like, “Pestilence was taken down by a booty call.”
He was taken down by the pussy. I forget exactly what she said, but something like, “He's going to have zero chills about this,” which was funny.
He was like, “Let's get married.”
“I've been inside of you.” He then slut-shamed her for having sex before. She’s like, “Whoa, bro.” He's like, “I've been inside of you. I've known this joy.” She like, “You need to calm the fuck down. Okay?” It’s too much. He had some endearing moments where he's learning. He's almost like a feral child who grows up in the woods and has never known love. She's coaxing him into what we would consider a normal emotional response to someone. I liked some of her ball busty moments where she refuses to break, cry in front of him and beg at the beginning.
Overall, the story was super flat. The same scenario of them going into a house at night. Everyone dying, her taking care of everyone, her being mad at him, him not understanding while she's being mad. Them doing a tentative truce in the morning, her offering him some food or alcohol. Him saying he didn't like it but then secretly trying it, and then doing the same thing. They're then being attacked again, but there's nothing happening. You're like, “What's the point of it all?”
I never felt like at the end of the book, I knew what the point was. Why did he get sent? What did he do? What did the plague do? Was it to kill every single person? Was it to only kill a certain percentage of people? He mentioned at one point that you all were killing the earth. I'm just making this up, I was like, “Maybe we'll find out that part of his thing is he's supposed to kill off half of humanity so there are less people.” “He’s supposed to kill off 75% of humanity.”
He's like Thanos.
Exactly. Let me snap my fingers and disappear half the universe. There didn't feel like there were any stakes, because the stakes were so high and there was no way out of that. It almost felt like there were no stakes. This is what is and your like, “Okay.”
If it were that pestilence came through first and killed anybody who was sick or weak like COVID. Honestly, I was reading this and thinking of COVID.
They said something about a pandemic and I was like, “I think that was my quote.”
She's writing about it now. I was like, “Wait, is War coming next?”
War is coming next. I didn't write down the quote but she said something like, “You would think that with all of our modern medicine, we'd be ready for a pandemic, but we were not.” I was like, “That hits hard.”
It would make sense. Pestilence comes, he kills the old and the too young to handle the disease, and then War comes and it triggers all the people who have aggression and whatever to basically kill themselves fighting each other. I feel like each horseman comes and brings out the worst in the people that already present that worst thing. What's left over? Makes sense to be like, “You guys repopulate the planet in a good way.” For me, that’s the stakes that would have made sense. Pestilence was just killing everybody he came into contact with unless they fled. At the end of the book, he starts spreading pestilence far away from where they are. She thought he could only spread it where he was physically, but he was spreading it really far. He's like, “I always had the ability to do this. I just didn’t.”
I'm like, “Why didn’t you? What the fuck? Why are you getting shot up all the time when you can just flex and get the whole world?” It didn’t make any sense to me.
No sense at all. I didn't like that was a thing. I liked it when she thought he was riding ahead to deal with the death before she got there. That was a sweet moment but the fact that he could flex and do that? I was like, “Hell no.” I didn't like that at all.
It didn't make sense for the rest of the button. It didn't make sense why he was journeying around. Also, I feel like this book might have made more sense if all the horsemen were in the world at the same time. If they were all in separate parts of the world. Pestilence is ravaging North America at the same time that War is ravaging Europe, at the same time that Famine is going through Asia. They're all there doing their thing. I can't remember the fourth horseman but they're all doing their same thing at the same time, just in different parts of the world. To your point, they're all sort of death. Maybe they are going from place to place. War is in one place, and then he moves to a new continent so no one knows what's going to strike next kind of thing. I think that will have made the stakes feel higher. Even if Pestilence stops, War or Death hasn't stopped or whatever.
I agree. I needed more to be going on. Otherwise, this is just like a prequel type of thing or like a novella at the beginning of a series. Do you know what I mean?
Yes, because she didn't actually save anyone. War, Famine, and Death are on the way. He won’t die because he's immortal but she could easily die. Did they have a kid at the end? I forgot.
I didn't read a kid. I don't remember there being a kid.
Presumably, they’ll have a kid at some point. It’ll be a half immortal pestilence baby. Will it be spreading disease in his crib?
No, he's going to be that kid at daycare who always has a runny nose. Here's also the thing that I think is very interesting in this love story. It didn't quite make sense for me that she goes back to find her family and the people. Now, it makes sense and it doesn't, and here's why. She's on this journey with Pestilence. He’s killing all these people. She knows that his illness was going to kill her family and everybody she left behind as well, possibly, if they didn't flee or get far enough away. When she goes back after she's in love with Pestilence, and they're good, she goes back and finds out that mostly everybody made it out alive but a few of her friends died of the plague and whatever. Literally, her lover is responsible for the death of her loved ones. When you're fucking him at night, is this a kink? I just wanted to know, is it a kink where you're riding and you’re like, “Yes, you killed my loved ones.”
You mean when he comes back to her and says, “I won't do this anymore?"
Yeah. No matter what, when he comes back, it's always present that her lover is responsible for the death of her loved ones.
I don't know how her family could ever forgive that. I could see where she could because clearly, she loved him even when he was actively killing people as they were together but I don't know that the people of her town would be able to be friends with him. She did say that he no longer was wearing his armor and he looked more human. They wouldn't expect him to be in their small Canadian town.
Nobody recognized him. What you're saying is true. However, she's got to be slightly a bit of a sociopath to be sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table with mama, grandma, Pestilence, and the rest of the family who've lost loved ones due to this plague. They're all sitting there breaking bread. I think it's funny.
You're not you're not wrong. However, if I was her, in my mind, I'd be like, “Y'all could all be dead, but I saved you. My pussy. You’re welcome.”
Pussy power. Stop the apocalypse with pussy.
I think that should be the new tagline for this book. "Can she stop the Pestilence with pussy?" Yes, she can.
Clearly, we all have this power.
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Let's talk a little bit about our fair firefighter Sarah. What did you think of Sarah?
I gave three peach booties.
Me too.
I feel like we're in sync in this book.
I do, too.
I thought she was a badass for lighting him on fire. She got a lot of points for lighting him on fire and committing to the viciousness of what that took. Trying to save her family. Trying to fight him and get away. That sort of thing along the journey. I felt like there were some moments where I was like, “Bitch, what is you doing?” During her escapades with him. There's one quote that I have, “I like him despite the fact that he's bringing about the end of the world, and that is immensely troubling.” I was like, “Yes, it is.”
She definitely said that to herself. “Stop looking at the horseman of the apocalypse with lust.”
There were moments where I was like, “Come on, girl,” and then moments where I was like, “Yes.” I figured she was right down the middle for me.
I agree. She did not have any moments where I was like, “I hate you and I think you're super whiny and annoying.” I like that she never ran. Earth, she did run. I mean, not that she never ran, but that she actually killed him. It's not her fault. He's immortal. I do think that the one thing that would not lead me to give her 4 or 5 stars would be a couple of things. One was that she was clearly in love with him and he's like, “I love you.” She was like, “It's not that big of a deal. We didn't make love.” I was like, “You know what? You’re a dog. You shattered this poor virgin's heart. How dare you?” The other one was that I didn't feel super attached to her, so that's why I didn't give her 4 or 5 either.
One thing I did like about her though was that when she found the pie in someone's house. She found some old pie, but she didn't care. She was like, “I’m going to eat this pie.” Pestilence was like, “I want to share it with you.” Her inner monologue of him taking his big ass bite of her pie. I was like, “That's what I'd be thinking too.”
First of all, I would have let him have one bite and then be like, “Get the fuck away from my pie. Over my cold dead body will you eat this pie in an apocalypse.”
That's what I was thinking too when she's watching him take a bite two. I'm like, “Girl, slide that pie back over to you.”
If my husband even takes a sip of a Coca-Cola, I’m drinking that I don't want to share I'm like, “That was a big ass sip. We could go to a store and buy more.” If it was the last Coke in the history of mankind, I’d be like, “You better spit it into my mouth like a mama bird. Get away from my stuff.” My kid told me she was going to mama bird me some food. I was like, “What?” She was like, “I’ll spit it in your mouth.” “I want you to mama bird me whatever you're eating.” “No, thank you. I’m okay.” What do you think of Pestilence?
I give Pestilence the same. I give him a three. It's probably for the opposite. I wanted Pestilence to be more ruthless. I thought there were many moments that they could have had way more tension sexually.
There was no tension.
None at all, and I was like, “It's right for tension right now.” He's fighting his feelings. He doesn't know what he's feeling. He’s like, “Is this love? Is this lust? What's happening to me right now?” I felt like there could have been so much more cunnilingus-esque type of shit where he's figuring shit out.
Some licking or touching.
He doesn't even know how to masturbate, I'm assuming.
He didn't know how to kiss. He could touch her nipple and see it harden. We could have spent some pages on that. He's behind her. He could have been fingering her on that horse.
She could have masturbated him on the horse that horse.
Yes. Why did they not fuck on that horse?
He's so strong and shit. I was like, “Why?”
He could’ve leaned her forward and just the rhythm of the horse moving.
That’s what I’m saying.
Missed opportunity.
So many missed opportunities for foreplay.
They had the most vanilla-loving sex. I'm not opposed to that. I think it's great but it’s certainly not what I expected.
It was boring.
Pestilence: Can't you stop the best with who says yes?
I thought it was boring because I wasn't attached to the tension. I wasn't breathlessly waiting for them to finally consummate, so I didn't really care. Also, in general, I think vanilla sex is wonderful. If it's like vanilla sex with Tessa Bailey. Dirty talking tension all up in the front of it and ready by the time we get there.
That's what I needed. I felt like Pestilence could have delivered some good dirty talk that was really stagnant like, “I want to lick your nipples.” Just boom. He's super direct. He could have said some shit that was nasty without even meaning to be nasty.
“I want to taste you.” “What is this feeling?”
“I want to feel your hands on my cock.”
“I want to stick my fingers inside of you.” Like, “Okay, cool.” “I want to put my penis in your butt. Is that weird?” “No, it’s not. Let’s try it.”
I'm thinking about all the things I thought about before I was ever having sex. My mind was going super crazy. Like, “Can we do this? Can we do that? Can we put this in there?”
Can I lick you? Can I touch you? Is that too hard? Is that too soft?
He should be super curious too because he doesn't know a whole lot about humanity and about making and that sort of thing. I was like, “There are so many more questions to ask.”
He says at some point in the book that this is the first time he's had a body. He should definitely be like, “Oh, my dick got hard? What's that about? Let's see what's happening here.”
Explaining to him what morning wood is. There was a lot of missed opportunity. Romance 101.
I gave him three stars but as a dark romance hero, I'd say one star because he's not dark, but in general, he was three stars. If I was solely grading on the fact that I was told he would be a dark romance, I would have given him one star. He's dark as a character in the sense that he kills people and he shoots her with arrows and he drags her behind his horse without remorse but he's not a human. That's fine. He's literally the embodiment of a portion of death, but that's it. There's no darkness in the romance itself.
It's the equivalent to me of, if you were not a human, if you were a wolf and he was going around doing wolf things, we wouldn't be like, “This wolf is so dark. He's biting people.” To me, that's what Pestilence is. Like, That's his job. His name is Pestilence, and they call him Pestilence.
At least a wolf, when he's fucking her, would bite her neck and take her from behind in the woods, and make her cum all over and scream into the night. He would hold the bitch down. He’s a wolf.
What a missed opportunity for Pestilence to watch her cum and be like, “What is that?” Have her explain that to him and he’ll be like, “We are going to do that again. Let's go.” “Let me lick that up.”
I thought he was a McDreamy, for a horseman, which I didn't want him to be McDreamy. I wanted him to be McSteamy. I wanted him to be Mc-Inhuman. I wanted him to be, “I do what I want when I want, how I want. You do what I want,” but he was McDreamy.
I thought she was like, “Where are the other three horsemen to ménage me?” I feel like War would really give it to me. I'm just going to put that out.
I looked at the blurb because I was curious. War is next and apparently, he sees this woman on the battlefield or in town and is like, “You're my wife now.” She's like, “Say what now?” He is trying to put a baby in her but I don't know if there's non-consent because I didn't read through all of the million reviews but it did seem a little bit darker than this one.
If Pestilence was a Harry Potter house, it would be Hufflepuff.
He was a Hufflepuff because he felt bad about killing the whole time. He was a little shy virgin who immediately got a taste and then was like, “Marry me.” That's a very Hufflepuff thing to do. Obviously, this book was very classy. I had two favorite ones, one of which was related to his zero chill, which is after they have sex and he tells her that they should get married. She's like, “We're not getting married. That's crazy.” He's like, “Is nothing sacred?” He bellows, “I was inside you. Inside you. I felt you move around me. I gave you my essence and you're treating it all of it as though we're merely dancing together.” Zero chill. Also, I could see where he's coming from because having sex with someone is a big deal and can be a big deal.
I still remember very vividly the first person who ever gave me an orgasm that wasn't me and that wasn't my first boyfriend. The person who gives you your first O, you never forget. You’re just not going to forget.
In general, your first sexual partner, your first orgasm, your first time doing any other type of position like doggy style. Let's say you're dating someone for a long time, you might do a lot of firsts with that person, but the first time you do any sort of new experience, it's seared into your memory. I 100% agree.
I distinctly remember the first person who got me off and it was all hands. It was the best. I'll never forget it. He put me up on a door. My feet weren't even touching the ground. He was a big ass dude and hopefully, he never hears this podcast. He knows exactly who he is.
He’ll probably feel very proud of himself that he gave you an orgasm.
He was amazing with his fingers. He literally lifted me up, put me on the door, and held me there. He was big. He was like 6’4” or 6’5”, or whatever. He held me up on the door and his face right next to my face and fingered the shit out of me. He talked so dirty while he did it, that it was like a forced orgasm. My body was like, “Wow.”
Your brain was just like, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” I’m with you. We’ve talked about the Belgian. Dirty talked me right over the edge. I’m like, “Who am I? What’s happening?” Dirty talking, I think is wonderful. As all of you know. Dear readers, you know this. You know we love dirty talking, it’s magical. This book could have done with more and better dirty talks. It could have solved some of the other issues.
It’s true because if there's some good sex in a book, I'd be like, "It’s a good book. Yep.”
Had the relationship caught my attention and the way that the world caught my attention. Paired together, this book would have been much more enjoyable. I was interested in what was going to happen with the whole religious aspect. He had the tattoos and mercy shined on her, which is like, God shined on her. I was like, “That's interesting. Where's that going to go?” It didn't go anywhere, which I didn't know at the beginning. If that had been coupled with a much more riveting and enthralling relationship between the two of them, that would have been more interesting, or the book would have been more interesting in general.
I also wish that her name had been Mercy because he was talking about how he saw the symbol and so gave mercy on her or whatever and he kept him. She was like, “What if that meant mercy on the whole world?” I wished her name had been Mercy so it would have appeared to be much more targeted to her so that when she has that conversation, like, “What if that meant the whole world?” What if, “I am here to tell you to have mercy on all these people. I'm your sign, essentially.”
I felt like that would have been a slightly more interesting way to play off that mercy thing other than, “I saw a shadow of mercy. I want to have mercy on you.” I was like, “Meh.” I think the word mercy is so powerful of a word, that I wish that it had more oomph behind it in the story somehow, some way. To me, the book was a three. I'm between a 2 and 3, honestly, in terms of my rating for it, but I rounded up to a three because I did think it had a great premise and stuff but I felt like it fell flat.
This might be the first book I ever gave a worse rating than you Shani. I gave it two stars as a dark romance. I would say if it was billed to me as a fantasy or dystopian, I possibly would give it three, but I just was not connected. I read it all in one sitting but only because we had to read this for the show. I'm not even sure I would have finished it because until I met Ruth and Bob. That hour of reading prior to that I was like, “Nothing is going on. What’s happening?” When I met Ruth and Bob and I was like, “Ruth and Bob are so sweet. I love them.” I love all people who love each other. It’s so wonderful, especially when it's written. I was like, “That's a nice scene. It’s a nice moment for him to realize that not all people are bad.” After that, we had another 45 minutes to an hour of reading where I was like, “Now we're just repeating the previous hour.” I didn’t like that.
Do you know what really sums up the book? Out of all the things in the book, at the very end, when she says to him, “You need a name. Pick a name.” He's like, “Victor.” She was like, “All right.” That sums up the whole book for me right there.
He's like, “Doesn't it mean conqueror?” I was like, “What the fuck?” I don’t like that.
I wish he didn't have a name.
I wish she just made it up like, “Your name is Pestilence, so we're going to call you Peter. We’re going to call you Lance.”
I thought she should have named him too. I agree with that. She should have given him a name. Him picking the name almost made it feel a little douchey.
It felt super awkward. “I've been thinking about it and I picked Victor,” and you're like, “Why Victor? Come on. It’s not even a hot name.”
No, it's not like, “Xavier.” I actually thought he said Vicker.
That's the opposite of what we thought when Torment named No’One in the Black Dagger Brotherhood. He's like, “I think your name is going to be autumn because it’s my favorite season.” I was like, “Go fuck yourself. It’s a terrible name. It doesn't match any of the cool names everyone has. You’re an asshole.” Also, if you guys missed our Black Dagger Brotherhood coverage in season two, we read books 1 through 11, it's super fun.
It was a lot though. That season was a marathon.
Dude, those books are long as hell. To all of you who are asking if we're going to read the rest of the books in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series, I honestly don't know because they're really long. They're 500 plus pages and so much happens in each book that our episodes were 90 minutes to 2 hours which is wonderful. It's so fun to talk through and relive but it was hard for us to read every week.
When we finished that season, I was burnt out. I was like, “I don't want to read a book for a month.”
Especially for Shani because each one's 24 hours of audio. I could read the book in, let's say, 6 to 8 hours but Shani’s like 24 hours of audio a week that she was trying to do while editing the show.
It was a lot.
That series is tough to get through but it was fun to revisit all of our Black Dagger Brotherhood.
I was thinking of doing one-offs until we get through the rest over time versus trying to do it 3 or 4 at a time or a series run.
We can do special episodes.
I’m down for that. I haven't read the last books in the series. After The Chosen, I haven't read anymore. I think it was because I was so upset by The Chosen.
Layla and Xcors book?
Yeah. I was so angry after she has the baby with Quinn or whatever and the way she was treated in the books. I just couldn't.
Quinn forgets all the lessons that he learned back into a pussy ass bitch. That’s what happened. That’s why you got mad. He acts like a douchebag towards her. He's been so wonderful towards her that's why she chose him to have the baby.
It's weird because it almost feels like they used her as a surrogate for Blaine and Quinn to have a baby.
In that book, Quinn's an asshole towards Blaine and is like, “You're not really the dad.” Do you remember that storyline too?
I do.
I was like, “Jesus Christ Quinn. Come on.” He spent eleven books growing and then he just dumpster fired all of his growth.
In one book, yeah. I didn't finish The Chosen because I was so upset.
Do you know why? Because we know that we know that J.R. Ward doesn't keep a timeline.
We felt he was a badass for not keeping a timeline then we read the books in order and realized, “No. Keep a timeline. None of this shit makes sense.”
Also, we’ll probably still read them on the show at some point so if you guys want that, let us know. Maybe we'll do special episodes or we'll do it on Patreon or something. Speaking of Patreon, Shani, I did read Lord of London Town by Tillie Cole. Remember that's the one I originally wanted to do about the London gangsters but they didn’t have the audiobook?
Yes.
It was awesome. You would like it.
They might have it on audio soon.
I don't know. She said the second book of the series is going to come out at some point in 2021 so I'm wondering if audio is going to come at some point. I don’t know. It is on Kindle Unlimited for those of you who are thinking about reading it and I will do a full Patreon recap of that because I liked it and I'm super excited that there's going to be another one.
I want to read some more historicals.
Let's do more historical. We can mix them up whenever. It’s our show, Shani. We can do what we want. On that note, that's all we have for you.
May your books be your lover.
And your hand, your best friend.
Later.
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Welcome to Romance at a Glance, a podcast that uses romance novels to dive into candid conversations about life, relationship dynamics, and sexual desires.
As hosts Bridget and Shani review books and interview some of romance’s biggest authors, they explore the breadth of the genre, openly embracing the sex, diverse couplings, and taboo in order to create a safe space for listeners to be exposed to different lifestyles, fantasies, and to pique their naughty curiosity.
Expect 100% honest reviews, spontaneous singing, life lessons, indecent anecdotes, and bawdy humor.
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